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Monday, August 30, 2010

Social Code for a Real Man

A Real Man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Real Man DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Real Man not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Real Man doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a god.

A Real Man does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Real Mans need deodorant and shaving gear - that's it!!

A Real Man does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that look like he's shat himself. If wearing a hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like an idiot.

A Real Man should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "DEALING WITH IT" portion of The Code.

A Real Man does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Real Man is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak BBQ accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city, favourite dog expiring, etc.

You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT.

When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Real Man will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Real Man knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie – and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Real Man should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

A Real Man knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can.

A Real Man knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "waking up".

There are very few reasons that a Real Man may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Real Man can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your pick up truck.

When a Real Man is on a crowded bus and/or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Real Man stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his face.

A Real Man will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e. hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking major amounts of grog with the boys.

A Real Man knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Real Man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land! Except on his Pick up !--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the Real Man man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.

A Real Man will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Real Man man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Real Man man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

A Real Man man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

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